I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
