Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
