Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
