the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
