Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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