$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
