he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
