yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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