i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
