Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
