Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
