Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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