FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
