I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
