Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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