Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Randomize
