Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
