So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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