I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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