I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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