The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
