she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i barfeds in our rink
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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