I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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