I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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