I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
