There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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