I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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