would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
