i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
