she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
