Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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