that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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