wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
