a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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