I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. š
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote āColleenās Dickāwith a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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