Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
