why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
