And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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