i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
