dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
