cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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