I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
