Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I deserve this hangover.
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