do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
