Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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