I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
