I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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