Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
