He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
this is an emotional support booty call
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
