I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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